You have to work hard in life
I learned this by seeing our parents work really hard and long hours to better our opportunities. None of the manor kids were second generation handed businesses or old money families. Our parents worked for a living. So did all the families on the block. There were no free ways of life. The younger generation seems to think everything should be handed to them ... I still remember my father saying, "If you want skidz or Z caverichi pants ... you work, save, and buy them ... and they are ugly". This from the man who also told me (this was in the 80's mind you) that anyone who pays for TV is stupid because it comes through the antenna free. True story. So I got a paper route and that is the story of how I chipped in and helped us get cable. I also think of another great friend who came to this country as an ESL student who ended up being our valedictorian and went to med school for free ... Lesson learned, life isn't free ... if you want something, work for it. I learned this in Jersey.
If you make a REAL friend, you don't need to check in with them every minute electronically
My best friends and I from the manor stayed outside from the time we got home from school till the time the street lights came on and we got yelled at to come home (of course in later years it was when the sun came back on and we had to sneak back into our houses). Those three friends from those days ... I am still friends with them to this day and would still lie down in the street for them. And they would do the same. I think I have talked to my best friend from those days about 15 times on the phone since 1986. You know why ... Because when you make a real friend, you don't always have to check in on them ... they are always just there for you. I learned this in Jersey.
That you have to constantly challenge yourself to meet your potential:
Around our high school graduation, we were all feeling pretty good about ourselves. We were finally out of HS, moving on to college or jobs, and the world was ours ... until we were at the post-party. A parent who will get a few mentions in this post pulled me aside (A few beverages in) and said something that sticks with me to this day ... "One day your the man, next day you're at the back of the line". Here I am happy about getting through HS and I get ... back of the line? You know what, this line I think about more than any other. Every time you get through one event or reach the top of one group you end up at the back of a new line. This is a great reminder to never get too high on yourself because if you get to the end of something chances are you are beginning something new ... and your now at the back of the line. I learned this in Jersey.
That you have to take advantage of the opportunities you have in life:
This lesson comes from being a Yankee fan growing up in NJ. When you do things has a big impact on how they are perceived. Make a call before someone goes into surgery you are thoughtful, send it afterwards and your the a-hole who forgot. In Yankee-land, we have three players who have months in their nicknames. Mr. May, Mr. October, and Mr. November. Mr May, Dave Winfield was a hall of famer, but did his best work earlier in the season (think 80-90's version of A-rod) and as a result he is largely an after thought of most Yankee fans. Mr. October, Reggie Jackson, played only a few years in pinstripes but is remembered much more favorably. Mr. November, Derek Jeter has delivered clutch hit after clutch hit including a game winner in the wee hours of November 1, 2001. He is an immortal in Yankee land. The latter two players are remember as great Yankees because they delivered when it counted. We all get opportunities in life, how we come through during those moments can define who you are. I learned this in Jersey (by way of the Bronx).
That race only divides people when people let it
I grew up in a place where you went to school at the united nations. There was a pretty good chance that your high school team, school club, and your block had people from several different cultures and countries. Was there an occasional concern or issue, sure there was ... but by large all of our social groups mixed and if you played on a team with someone the only color you saw was the color of their jersey. I feel very lucky as I get older and hear how some others grew up. It doesn't matter what background you came from, if you did not grow up in an area where everyone came together for the Friday football game or at a hang out spot (The tunnel in the rivers, park in the manor, and Jamesway dollar movie theater/Americana come to mind) you missed out. That kind of up-bringing prepared me for anyone I would meet in life and allowed me to see the content of someones character and not the color of someones skin. Again, I learned this in Jersey.
That life can be short, so you better enjoy it and make the most of it:
We lost several classmates on the way (and after school was out). Some in accidents, one or two OD'd, one was shot when he was a junior in HS, and later we lost one to a war. All great young people who had a lot to offer this world gone before the rest of us started to marry and settle down. When you're younger it is hard to process things like this ... but the easiest way to understand at that time was to know that is that you have no guarantees in life. Sometimes, bad things happen whether you did things the right way or not. We should actually remember these things more often so that we make the most of our lives and tell those around us how we feel about them more often ... because you never know. I learned this in Jersey.
Sure, this is a cleaned up version of my up-bringing and doesn't really relate as well as I hoped back to the original thesis of this post ... but the point remains the same. The next time someone sh*ts on your home state or compares us to those scripted characters on TV ... remember to raise your hand and extend your middle finger to show them our state bird and tell them everything you needed to know in life you learned in Jersey.
